Confessions

I know what you're thinking.  How is it even possible for her to have such a darling little boy?  Well my friends, I do not know.  Man I love him.

It's probably quite obvious by my lack of blogging that being a Mother to two children is challenging for me.  I thought I'd just lay it all out there for you, just to catch you up on my life these days.

Confession 1:  It took us forever to really get down nursing.  I didn't get to nurse Millie, and Louis is quite lazy (should we say easy going?) so the first 6 weeks were challenging.  Six weeks is a long time!  He's still not a super star but he's getting fat and I'm not in pain so we're happy.

Confession 2:  Having two kids is hard.  I feel like the biggest wimp in the world admitting that.  I mean it's only two kids.  Lots of people have more, for pete's sake.  It's getting easier, don't worry.  My source of encouragement has always been my Aunt Molly telling me it was harder for her to adjust to two than it was to three.  Another huge help was getting a double stroller (thanks Dad!) that would work for our needs.  I went with this one because I shop more than I go to the zoo so I needed it to work where a cart wouldn't (those dang tiny carts at Hobby Lobby and Ross).  Now even running to the Dollar Store is a million times easier.

Millie playing on her new mattress on one of our potty training days.  She didn't wet the bed, don't worry. 

Confession 3:  We stopped potty training.  I've been dreading admitting it to the world, but I figured I'd have to eventually since I admitted we were starting on Facebook.  I put it off because I didn't want to do the off and on potty training.  I cleared a week, read up on everything, implemented everything I read about (including potty training in one day) and after five intense days of going to the bathroom every 5-15 minutes and Millie not once willingly peeing in the potty we called it quits.  She would literally squirm and hold it for 45 minutes while sitting on the potty just to avoid going.  Even after she went (from not being able to hold it any longer) and got tons of praise and treats she still never was willing to go again.  We're going to let her lead 100%.  Sure she'll be 3 next month, but it was obvious (after 5 days) that she's not ready.  Oh well.  She's happy, healthy, smart, kind, beautiful and a great big sister.

That's it for confessions.  Unless you want me to add that my house is a serious mess and still undecorated, I'm burning food more frequently and I have yet to go around and meet my neighbors.

On the plus side I get to witness beautiful moments like this instead:

Louis was crying so Millie gave him a baby and "blanket" to hold. 

 And I made Millie's Halloween costume, which she loves:

It looks better when she's standing, but she' knows how to pose like a Mermaid so this is what I got :)

I love these two children so much.  In just the last week I have watched Millie's play time mature so much.  Seeing her act out what her toys should say to each other (and sometimes she uses her hands in the car if toys aren't handy) just melts my heart.  She takes great care of Louis, sleeps wonderfully in her big girl bed, and is really understanding so much.  It's incredible to watch.

Louis is getting chunky (love) and smiles all the time.  Melts my heart.  He also sleeps really well so I'm getting a good amount of sleep at night.  He loves being held (with help) by his big sister and doesn't seem to mind her kisses either.

Ironically they are both awake now and screaming their heads off.  Music to my (well rested) ears :)

And something is burning in the oven.

You're Gonna Miss This

Am I the only one that can't handle listening to "You're Gonna Miss This" By Trace Adkins?  I mean really.  My sneaky Pandora Josh Turner station played it before I could say no.  Fast forward thirty seconds into the song and I'm in tears listening to my two babies crying while I try to throw together some dinner.

It was terrible and great all at the same time.  I've been feeling pretty stressed and overwhelmed here and there, but I am so thankful for these two little blessings.  Sure, they can't be happy all the time.  We have about two time frames that make me want to hide but the rest of the day is pretty great.

I love just watching Louis while he eats or just wants to play.  I imagine what he's thinking and it's always a tender moment.  Millie loves any of my time I can spare (and I love to give it to her) but what really warms my heart is watching her imagination blossom when she plays by herself.  She can play for hours with tiny little dolls.  It is so incredible.

We're currently having our house painted (hooray!) so I'm staying out of the house and can't load new pictures.  To tide you over, I thought I'd share the pictures of Millie and Louis meeting for the first time in the hospital.  Enjoy.

Living by family is great!

Millie's first look.  I love Karen's face in this picture.

Don't you just love Lily's smile?

The Bishop even came to see us!  He also happens to be Uncle KC.

The whole thing was a bit confusing for Millie.  Poor thing clung to Buck and I but is all sorted out now.

So there you have it.  Millie and Louis are great friends now (at least Millie worries about Louis, I'm not sure Louis pays her much attention yet).  Instead of always asking where Mommy is when I'm not around she now looks for Louis.  She still looks for me some though.  I love this exhausting time we are having but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to many months down the road when they can play together.  I'm looking forward to that but I know I'm gonna miss this, too.

Little LEB

He's here!  We love him to pieces, and spend all our free time adoring him.  That should explain our delay in sharing the great news and darling pictures.

For fun I thought I'd throw in one of my last pregnant pictures.  I am so glad to no be pregnant anymore.  I could write a book about how wonderful it is, but you're here to see my baby so lets move on.

Hanging out with my cousins.  We loved living with them.

Allow me to introduce Louis Emery Bagwell:

I had to include this picture.  I hope it captures the pure bliss and amazement I was feeling.

Here is proof that he weighed almost 8 pounds...which obviously is gigantic when compared to his big sister.

 

We are proud parents.

I can't believe how different he looks now.  I think he's handsome just like his daddy.

He's got quite the fan base, too.

Millie moved her rocker like that.  She loves "baby woo-wis".

My sweet cousin Lily.  I just love this picture.

 We literally didn't officially decide on his name until after he was born, and actually chose his middle name on a whim as we were announcing his birth to our family.  We knew we wanted to pay tribute to Buck's great name (Landrum Earle Bagwell IV) but didn't want to name him LEB V and have to come up with a nickname, so we though keeping the LEB initials was a good idea and Louis Emery it was.  We call him Louis and Louie, so feel free to do the same.

We love this little boy.  I know I will love all of my children, but it honestly surprised me how quickly I became attached to him.  I'm sure a lot of it had to do with my more traditional birth experience this time.  I loved Millie right away, but I gave myself a little bit of time to get attached to her.  It took a while before I could touch her and it took forever before I could provide her any sort of care.  Louis needed me right away and I'm so thankful for that.

I was so nervous about having a boy.  I've been stuck in Barbies/Dress Up/Tea Parties gear my whole life, I just wasn't sure what I'd do with a boy.  You know what?  I still don't know what I'm going to do with him but I don't care.  For now I'm going to rock him, sing to him, feed him and let his big sister stick (and pull out) his pacifier in his mouth.  It's great.

Millie is really a good sport about everything.  Having her visit me in the hospital was a nightmare for everyone, especially my Aunt Karen since I stayed there but Millie left each day.  Millie and I are very attached to each other.  It was really hard to watch her freak out when it was time to go.  Now that we are home she just loves her little brother and feels comfortable knowing I'm around.  She always checks on him in the crib, and if he's crying she tells me he's hungry.  She gets a kick out of his car seat being next to hers in the car and of course she feels the need to climb into all of the infant toys (play gym, infant seat, swing) and use his pacifier.  The funniest (though it's not super funny at the time) is when she tries to copy his cry exactly, often in the car.

Just so you're filled in on all our business I may as well mention that we closed on our first house when Louis was just four days old.  Yes, that means we moved into the house when he was four and five days old as well as had my Mom and Buck's parents come to town to meet the little fella.  The joke was on them since they had to do a lot of manual labor.  Now that Louis is two weeks old we've purchased a home, our first brand new appliances (washer and dryer), a second car and moved into our home.  Major life events covered recently: moving, buying a home, getting a new job, and having a baby.  Looks like we only missed getting married (glad we checked that off five years ago) and someone close to us dying (think healthy, safe thoughts y'all!).  Yes, I am a bit stressed but honestly I think I'd be stressed if we were just covering one of those events.  Why not take them on all at once?  I wouldn't recommend it, but it isn't as bad as you'd think...as long as you don't mind your house looking very messy for a few months.

Unpacking is slow moving, but you saw how cute Louis is so I don't need to explain why it's taking me so long.  I love my kids.  I've got two.  That's crazy.

The Great Mid-West

We have made it to Geneva, IL.  We actually made it a few weeks ago, but between house hunting and visiting with my family blogging was put on the back burner.  I actually haven't even written about our vacation to Florida yet.  Maybe someday you'll hear how great Disney and Sarasota were.

I was a bit nervous to see how Millie would adjust to moving.  We have technically moved four times with her already, but she is now old enough to remember stores and people she loves.  She even recognized streets in Connecticut (like when we drive by Dad's work or when we turned on our street). She had grown particularly fond of Stew Leonard's, a fabulous grocery store full of animatronics, fresh ice cream and a few live animals out in front.  All day long she would talk about wanting to see the cow, which she is deathly afraid of when we actually go near the cow.

Thankfully we have moved to the edge of country.  We went to a pool party right after we got here, complete with scenic views of cows:

 She loved it!  She obviously loves arm floaties and goggles, too.

I mean how many times have you found yourself at a pool party surrounded by grazing cows?  I think we're going to like it here.

Our first weekend here was Geneva's Swedish Day's Festival, so we hauled everyone downtown to watch a local band, 7th Heaven.  It was great, especially because they mostly covered familiar songs.  As we were sitting there I couldn't help but reflect back on our first weekend in Connecticut watching the fireworks in New Canaan.  That was the cleanest city event full of the most well dressed people I had ever been to.  It felt like we were in a movie with a classic Big Band playing in the background, clean cut kids playing with frisbees on the beautifully manicured lawns and everyone visiting pleasantly with their neighbors.  It was great.  In stark contrast at the concert here in Geneva I actually saw tattoos, cut off shorts, large-armed women dancing passionately to the music, and men wearing socks with sandals.  It felt like home.  That is the scene we grew up with.  I'm sure if I looked hard enough I probably would have found a port-a-potty, too.

We're house hunting, and feeling some fire under our feet with this baby boy on the way.  There are very few places for rent in this area, so we are positive we are buying a place.  In the mean time we are living with my Uncle, which works out nicely because they are all off on their five week vacation.

My new doctor here is nice and smart, but I can't help being thankful for the superior care I received in Connecticut prior.  I feel confident he'll be able to care for me and deliver our baby, I'm just thankful we ironed out everything with my Doctor in Connecticut first.  I think this doctor would have done things a little differently.  The plan is for my cerclage to come out the first or second week in August.  I have read about women going into labor within 12-24 hours after that, but some still end up needing to be induced.  So that gives me a nice range of the first week in August through the second week in September to expect our baby to be born.  I'm hoping for the second week in August since my Uncle and his family will be back, and I really hope I don't go much past that.  I probably will, darn it.  I'm just so looking forward to sitting down and slouching again.

Hopefully my next post will be about our home, but I can't make any promises.  My Uncle's house sure is comfortable :)

Hello Windy City!

Sorry to leave y'all hanging.  We made our decision a good week ago and life has been a whirlwind ever since.

We're officially moving to Chicago!

We are thrilled and so sad at the same time.  We have really loved living here in Connecticut and have tried our best to make friends without the mindset of moving.  It is so awesome to watch Millie bounce around from group to group after Church greeting all of her friends (any age group will do for that girl).  We feel like we've made Connecticut our home, and leaving home is never easy to do.

On the other hand, we are so excited to be moving close to my Uncle KC and his family.  They have promised lots of help with the little ones and entertainment, and we intend to take them up on it all.  We've started house hunting, and have every intention of buying a house near them so my cousins can ride their bikes to our house as promised.  Won't that be fun?  We adore those girls.

Yes, Chicago gets very cold.  I think we'll survive.  The town we are planning on moving to (Geneva) has everything.  I'm so happy to be living near a Hobby Lobby and not far from a Chick-fil-a again.  Actually pretty much any store I could want is there.  And I can just pull up to Target and park, without paying.  Here in Stamford it's only $1, but it's the principle.

I haven't even hit on the perks or real Chicago, but we are excited to explore it as well.  We have only heard wonderful things about the city.  Any recommendations of places we need to see?  During our summer in Boston I read Devil in the White City so I've got the World's Fair fair grounds on my list of things to see.  That book was spooky, but I really enjoyed all of the incredible history.  If you don't scare easily, I'd recommend it.

So we've been researching movers, doctors, houses, preschools, and pretty much everything else you can think of.  We're moving at the end of June so I will be about 30 weeks pregnant.  It is a lot to deal with right now, but a few months of stress is completely worth years of comfortable living.

Wish us luck!

Apple of My Eye

Millie figured out how to look at all of our old pictures on the iPad and she's chosen a few favorites of herself.  She loves this one, and comments on how "yucky" it is every time.

I am about one week from when I had Millie, so naturally I've been thinking about her as a tiny infant a lot.  She was so sweet.  I try not to think about how painful everything must have been for her but this morning I couldn't help it.  I was thinking about how much I wanted to hear her cry.  We waited months to hear that very soft voice (which is not the case anymore, thankfully).  I don't know what it feels like to be intubated and have a feeding tube, but I can imagine being in that situation for months must have been painful.  Because she was intubated she couldn't cry out loud, and even when it came out her throat and vocal chords weren't strong so her cries were so soft.  I complained as much as I could about my catheter and I only had it for a few days.  Although pregnancy is uncomfortable, and I often feel like it is more than I can handle I am so thankful for every day I am still pregnant and able to keep this sweet boy safe and comfortable.

But really this post is about Millie.  Y'all hear enough about my pregnancy.  Millie is still the apple of my eye.  She wears me out and pushes my buttons, but even when she runs away from me at the store and I finally catch her, get down at her level and tell her "no, no" all she has to do is grin from ear to ear and all is forgiven.  It's frustrating doing things with a toddler, but so magical at the same time.  She touches everything she sees and comments constantly.  She never hesitates to tell someone "hello."  It doesn't matter if it is someone with very few teeth, a little child, or a sweet looking grandma, they all get "hello" from her.

I think she is incredible.  I know we have friends her age that surpass her abilities in certain areas, but I still want to share with you what she can do because I think she is the smartest 2 1/2 year old out there.  She knows all of the letters (uppercase and most lowercase), recognizes numbers 1-9 and can count but not quite to 10 yet, loves to point out shapes (circle, heart, triangle), is starting to talk in sentences and loves to sing.

Oh my, this girl loves to sing.  She sings to every TV show we watch, knows pretty much the whole Primary Colors: Insideout a Cappella CD, loves Adele (which can be embarrassing when she tries to get me to sing along with her in the grocery store...just in the car Millie, come on), and makes up words to the hymns at church.  She also claps and cheers after the hymns at church, which is not something our church does.  Buck and I do not have any musical talents, so for now I'm day dreaming of slumber parties with this girl that involve a great karaoke set up, Mr. Roboto and Dancing Queen.

At night when we put her to bed she says "bye" to everything we pass.  "Bye kitchen, bye TV, bye bunny," etc.  It's really adorable when she tells her shoes bye.  We have to pry kisses out of her just before bed, but then she insists on hugs which we love.  After she's hugged us she (completely on her own) hugs and kisses herself.  That melts my heart and makes me feel like we're doing something right.  Loving yourself is so important.

It's hard to capture Millie in words, but I tried.  Guess you'll have to come see her for yourself.  Oh, and I'm sorry I don't have any news to share about Buck's next job.  I will pass it on as soon as I can.

Half Way There!

Everyone has been kind enough to not ask for belly pictures or comment on how large my tummy is, but in order to document this baby I thought I'd get Buck to take a half way picture.  In this picture I'm 20 weeks exactly, but today I'm 21 weeks.  Its quite an ordeal to take belly pictures, so hats off to the weekly belly shot mommas out there.

I've been larger than when I had Millie for a few weeks, but I'm still not to Millie's gestation (23 weeks 6 days) yet.  That sure makes me scared for delivery!  Having a 1 lb 4 oz baby was still no walk in the park, and I obviously plan on having a larger one this time.  Let's just say in many ways I feel like this is my first pregnancy.

I've had an interesting few weeks since my surgery, feeling quite scared sometimes and totally at peace others.  At my first appointment back to the doctor after surgery I was surprised with a whole new list of physical restrictions in order to help me avoid bed rest.  I really thought the cerclage would help me be able to do more.  I was wrong.  I can't exercise and should avoid too much walking, can't chase Millie at the play ground, and I can't do any heavy cleaning, etc.  I know all of these sound like a dream come true to some, but it's really hard for me since I finally feel good enough to do these things.  It doesn't help that Buck is still swamped with studying for his last CPA exam so he can't pick up my slack exactly.  Soon though.

In practicing "taking it easy" for a week I managed to get myself pretty freaked out about bed rest.  What would I do?  I don't have any family here.  In some cases bed rest (at home) means you even have to have someone bring you food.  I could probably find someone to help with Millie but not stay at my house all day feeding me, too.  I came up with a few plans, and feel good about my situation.  I genuinely believed at first that this pregnancy would go completely smooth and I would feel confident the whole time.  I guess I forget all the little aches and pains you naturally get and have to interpret along the way.  I'm not good at guessing when I need medical help and when I should just "walk it off."

I went back to the doctor for my weekly appointment Friday (yep, weekly now) and shared my plans with them.  I was so relieved when I was told that they really don't think I'll need bed rest (though anything can happen, of course) and things couldn't look better for me.  They also mentioned I'm probably freaking out because I'm getting to that point where I had Millie, and my confidence will probably build up a few weeks after that point.  I got my first shot of progesterone which was huge.  Not too painful, but it's big enough that they like to tell you when they are half way done.  It has to be given to you in that portion of your lower back/hip that can hold massive shots.  I'll be getting that weekly.

It's not very entertaining, but that's my half way report.  I'm feeling healthy, but still can't eat like I used to.  Trust me, ice cream settles so much better than veggies.  Couple that with exercise restrictions and I should look like I'm carrying twins in no time.

On a family note, Buck has finished interviewing for new jobs (his ends in June) so hopefully the next word you hear from me will be about our plans!

Owie and Puppy

Buck's parents came to visit and also ended up with some pretty cute nicknames.  The grandkids call them Ahbi and Papi but Millie thought Owie and Puppy were a little more personal.

We were thrilled to have them here for a good week, and especially glad they were here for Easter.

Millie loves candy (doesn't everyone?) so naturally her Easter Basket was a big hit.  She enjoyed the toys too.

While they were here our winnings from the Harajuku Mini Collection arrived!  Millie is currently obsessed with strawberries so she loved it all.

Ahbi was thoughtful and patient to bring (and plant) a little garden with Millie.  It's sprouting, Ahbi!

Sometimes the camera is the only distraction that will work.

Buck's parents wanted to see a few sights in New York so we stayed over night just before they left.  We were lucky to visit the 9-11 Memorial.  I think Millie ran every square inch of it.

In New York you never seem to be far from a park.

For no good reason these are all the pictures I have of their visit!  They took a bazillion, don't worry.

We all loved having them here, but I especially enjoyed them spending quality time with Millie outside so I could spend quality time doing little things around the house.  I finally figured out how to describe my slow self.  What used to take me 15 minutes to do before having Millie started taking me 45 minutes once I had Millie.  That same quick task now takes me a week.  With extra help I'm back down to 45 minutes, which is progress.

This was Buck's Dad's first time to our town so we showed him the works.  We even ventured into new areas trying to help my sister-in-law find suitable towns to live in.

Thank you so much for coming!  Millie woke up looking for y'all several times since you left, bless her heart.

I'll post about Baby Bagwell later.  I've got a few things to say.  We're halfway there, by the way.

No-ey

Millie is quick to come up with nicknames, and her cousin Nora is now exclusively (in our house) referred to as Noey.

We were lucky enough to have the whole Dunnam clan (all three of them!) visit us for about a week.  We stayed busy and did our best to show off our neck of the woods.

We enjoyed "donation" day at the Bronx Zoo:

Our local Children's Museum

Our backyard:

Thank you Lala, for the dresses!

Hugs

And our home.  Thanks Uncle Aaron for building/painting/putting together Millie's learning tower! 

We also took them to Stew Leonards, the beach, the mall, our favorite playground, and of course our urban Target.

The girls had permanent smiles on their faces the whole week.  Watching them look at each other for the first time each morning was priceless.  Sure nap time and bed time were a little more difficult, but completely worth it.  They even shared Millie's toys without fighting.  Of course Nora did show Millie how to get into my makeup...

We're so glad they came to visit.  I still feel pretty guilty for not warning Millie when Nora was leaving.  I just pulled up to the airport and dropped them off, and said my goodbyes.  Only when I got back in the car did I realize Millie was bawling for Noey.  Those cries lasted nearly an hour!  Breaks my heart.  We do a little extra FaceTime here and there to make up for it.

Sweet, sweet cousins.

This Baby is Staying Put

For inquiring minds I thought I'd give you an update on how my "little" surgery went.  First of all I don't think any surgery should be considered little.  Yes, I know I'm a tad wimpy.  The cerclage was first described to me as a quick 30 minute surgery with a one hour recovery done in an outpatient hospital facility.  I'm not sure I would describe it that way.

With that description I was picturing something similar to having my wisdom teeth removed.  That's surgery, right?  Well for me, I'd say the surgery reminded me more of when I gave birth to Millie but a much quicker recovery.  Instead of weeks to recover I feel pretty much fine at 48 hours post operation.  I had Millie in an operating room as well, so I pretty much felt at home.  Just kidding.  Those bright lights and all that white?  No way can you feel comfy there.  Seriously an operating room resembles where you go when you're abducted by aliens in movies.  Am I right?  I know, I have an active imagination.

Anywho, the surgery went well and the whole OR staff claimed I was the best patient of the day.  But seriously there wasn't a single unkind person there.  It was wonderful and thanks to one mean nurse, a stark contrast to my recovery after having Millie in Utah.  The NICU was amazing there, I just somehow got stuck with a really crabby nurse for myself.

I got an epidural for the surgery and as soon as they were done I was able to move my legs and actually got myself into the next bed.  They all thought that was great (should I ask for an extra strong epidural with this next birth?) and had me sent to recovery.  I was quickly moved from one recovery (where mostly still asleep people are) to the next where they finally let you eat.  My whole recovery time took about two to three hours and honestly I thought the recovery nurses were going to faint with how "quick" I recovered.  There was a girl that had the same surgery by my doctor one hour before me that still wasn't moving her legs by the time I was walking and peeing.  Why do they keep spreading this rumor about the one hour recovery time?

Thankfully we had a wonderful friend to take care of Millie.  Even though she has her hands full with her own large family she convinced me she really wanted to watch Millie.  So kind.  It was a relief to have her there with this family knowing that if I took a little extra long to recover it would be okay.  She and her family loved and entertained Millie, and of course Millie wasn't really eager to leave when we went to pick her up.

In speaking with my doctor right after the surgery he informed me that had I opted out of the cerclage (it was totally my choice at this point since my cervix looked good on the ultrasounds) I would have gone into preterm labor again.  I do, officially, have an incompetent cervix.  That means something is wrong with my cervix, and there are like 10 things that can go wrong.  Specifically for me, my cervix is soft.  It is supposed to feel like your nose, slightly firm, but mine is much softer.  Because of that as soon as a baby gets some weight to it, it will come right out.  Hello 1 lb 4 oz Millie!  Of course now that my cervix is sewn shut we shouldn't have to worry about that.  There are still other factors to consider so I'll still be monitored and medicated, but for now I'm pretty happy and feeling secure about our sweet baby boy being full term.

Happy 150th post?  I should be on my 200th by now!

It's a Boy!

Millie is so excited!

We put together a cute video, just in case you missed it via email and Facebook:

Truthfully Millie was excited about the balloons and has no idea we're having a baby.  Oh well, we've got plenty of time.

We found out on Tuesday and it's taken a while for "boy" to sink in.  I'm in girl mode and never really anticipated that answer!  Crazy, right?  I mean the odds are equal.  To be honest I was a bit scared at first but thanks to all of the supportive feedback from family and friends I'm feeling pretty confident and excited.

I've always thought dressing a little boy to my taste would be a fun challenge, and I'm pretty excited to put a hurting on classic boy clothes with knee socks, Baby Gap, and Janie and Jack.  I'm not sure where to begin with the nursery, but thankfully I have Pinterest.

I've been asked several times if we will be naming him after Buck.  His full name is Landrum Earle Bagwell IV, so this boy could be the 5th.  I'm leaving that decision completely up to Buck since he is the only one that knows what it's like to have that name yet go by something else completely unrelated. Buck's Dad goes by Landrum, and we aren't the biggest fans of Earle for a little baby so a nickname would be necessary.  Right now Buck is leaning towards giving him a new name.

Tomorrow I go in for my little surgery (cerclage).  I'm mostly nervous about not eating for that long, but  I'm not sure what to expect for recovery.  My heart cath was supposed to be no big deal but knocked me out for days.

There you have it...we're having a baby boy!